Never Mess With LOST Fans
by hersheygal
Summary: Have you ever wondered if there were fans like you out there? Well guess what? There’s some fans even worse than you! Contains different top ten lists as well. How To Make Jack Shephard Cry up now.
1. Jane, The LOST Addict

Never Mess with LOST Fans

Disclaimer: I don't own LOST.

A/N: I thought this would be a fun idea.. I'm using some of my own experiences and just random things. This is a short story about a LOST fan, that is also a Jate fan. I'm going to update this with a couple other things, like ten reasons to not become a LOST fan for example, and things like that. Some of the stuff I will put up will be Jate based because that's who I am.

Jane was an ordinary girl, except for the weeks when LOST was on. During hiatus she is pretty normal, but then she starts going crazy when she knows LOST is coming back. It's like a ritual for her. She'll sit patiently in class rocking back and forth, murmuring to herself. "LOST is coming back, LOST is coming back.." Let's just say everyone knows about her obsession.

She'll go on forums to try to help herself deal when LOST wasn't on. She was proud to say she knew every spoiler and every easter egg out there. She was also proud to call herself the most devoted Jack and Kate fan around, or like she called herself, a jate shipper. Her friends thought that was pretty insane as well.

She would go crazy if she didn't watch LOST every day. It was like a fix to her. She'd feel better after watching an episode. She had different types of withdrawals. There was the new material withdrawal, where she would need new material. Then there was the jack withdrawal, where she wouldn't get enough of Jack. Then there was the jate withdrawal. And then finally just your regular LOST withdrawal. If she didn't satisfy one of these, then she wasn't a happy girl. During hiatus she'd entertain herself with fanfiction and music videos, and she'd even make wallpapers.

Manips were her favorite. Her friends didn't even want to know what she did when she giggled insanely at her computer. She didn't care what people thought though, she loved this show and she'd stick with it until it's death. Or it's zombie season. Whichever came first.

People loved to come up to her and tease her. "Hey Jane! Did you hear, Jack's going to die!"

Jane would reply, "No he's not! I checked all 23 of my reliable sources today. He's not going to die."

To this the people would shake their heads and walk away.

Then there was always the mean people who would say, "Sawyer and Kate are together now and Jack and Kate are over with! There's no chance that they're going to get together now that Jack's on a completely different island!"

To this Jane would glare at the person and refuse to answer. She knew how it was going to end.

Now on Wednesdays, the official LOST days, everyone knew that if they talked to Jane, she wasn't going to listen. Her mind was going to be on LOST. No matter what. As the hour drew nearer, Jane would prepare herself by reading the full summary of the episode. Spoilers were her best friend. She needed them.

Then she would make a cake, and put her Jack and Kate action figures on top. She'd write quotes in frosting around the cake, and then she's draw Sawyer, and then eat it.

There was an understanding in the house that while LOST was on, no one, absolutely no one, could talk. Anyone who did would immediately be banished from the household. The phone would be put off the hook, and Jane would sit in front of the tv a hour early with her teddy bear named Jack.

During the episode she would scream, cry, jump, and laugh. People avoided her during this time because they would be afraid of Jack dieing, or Kate and Jack getting together. Whichever one came first. If either of these things were to happen, then everyone was certain that Jane would positively explode.

If people thought Wednesdays were a pain, then Thursdays were torture. "Then Jack said, Promise me you'll never come back here for me., and then Kate cried. She CRIED! It's totally fate!! OMG! Skate is totally over. What am I saying? It never started!" Then she'd laugh hysterically while the people around her would slowly back away.

Jane didn't care. LOST loved her, and that's all she needed.

A/N: So what did you think? Stupid? Yeah I thought so. Humor's not my strong spot but I wanted to try. Well I'll update soon with some lists. :)


	2. Ten Reasons to Not Be a LOST Fan

Ten Reasons to Not Be a LOST Fan

Disclaimer: I don't own LOST.

A/N: It gets really annoying to capitalize LOST all the time. A lot of you said that you do a lot of the things that Jane did, which made me happy, because I also do some of the things she did. But I do not make cakes. lol!

You won't accidentally make typing errors when writing. You won't write LOST, when you meant to write lost, and you won't write jack, when you meant to write jail. (yes, jail)

You will have a life. It's that simple.

You won't get into fights with other people about things that aren't even real.

You'll lead a healthy and happy life.

Your mother will actually let you go see that movie that everyone's obsessed over, because she knows you won't obsess over it like that one crazy LOST fan she knows.

Your grades will be higher than those LOST fans.

People won't be scared of you.

You'll be known for your good soccer skills, instead of your love for LOST.

You'll save money.

You won't have to go through all the painful hiatuses because when the series is over that's when you'll buy the dvds and laugh at everyone else because they had to suffer.

A/N: Next one is ten things that make Jack cry.


	3. How To Make Jack Shephard Cry

How To Make Jack Shephard Cry

Disclaimer: I don't own LOST.

A/N: Most people here know I love Jack, but I think we all know that he has got to be the easiest character to make fun of. Some of these are kind of random.

Show him soap operas, especially when they're set in medical hospitals.

Show him any movies that involve stuffed animals. Don't ask him why, because that in itself will make him cry.

If anyone comes up to him and tells him Kate loves Sawyer more he'll sit and rock back and forth.

Tell him someone died and it was his fault.

Tell him he failed/he can't fix anything.

Whenever he counts to five try to mess him up by yelling, "FOUR, EIGHT FIFTEEN…." He'll lose concentration and break down.

Tell him no one will love him, they'll use him and then they'll leave him like Sarah did.

Mock his motto and scream it at his face. "Sawyer and Kate are together, and you are alone!"

Tell him the person that did his tattoos sucked.

Tell him Sawyer and Kate got caught in a net, again.

A/N: I didn't like this one as much, but I'll let you decide. If you have suggestions I welcome them. :)


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